You're still alive

Where does time go?! I mean, honestly. It's been pretty much a decade since I've written a blog. And for all my lovely amazing followers out there, I apologize. I've been so lost in time. I really didn't think my Senior year would go anywhere near as fast as it has been going. Not only that, but high school. I feel like I was JUST a little bitty Freshman. Anyway..that's besides the point.

I want to talk about time though. Because even though I feel like so much time has been taken away from me in the last few weeks..I've been given so much more to replace it. I was given the chance to spend amazing times with my YoungLife family last weekend, and get to spend a weekend away in the mountains with God. How greater could it get? I also feel as though I was tested last week in big ways. To be a better person, to not let stress get the best of me, to be a great leader despite being tired, and for getting my priorities in order. It was a tough but great week all the same. I feel as though all in this time I mended things. I mended friendships that I so dearly missed, and I put myself back together.

I know the phrase "I put myself back together" sounds a bit strange, but that's how I felt for a while...strange. Like I wasn't myself. I didn't feel happy when I should have. I didn't get excited when I should have. and I didn't appreciate the wonderful things around me, like I should have. That may sound depressing, but it's honest. I think we all feel broken and lost at times. And we all handle that differently. For me, I put on a face or a mask if you will, that I was still put together. But that's not how I should act. When I feel broken, or sad, it lets me know that I'm human. We're all human. But I think we're also broken for a reason. I wrote a poem type thing a while ago...and I think I'll type it out on here because I think it sums up what I'm trying to say :) here it goes...


You gave me life the day I was born, but You gave me love the day I followed. People and things can be so messed up..the dirty looks, mean comments, the gossip, and heartbreak. But it is the pain that makes something worthwhile..
For we are all clay pots with broken pieces from being dropped. If we choose to walk away from the pieces lying on the floor, we miss part of ourselves. But if we try to pick up the pieces on our own, we end up with cuts and scrapes.
It is the decision within us to follow You or to walk on without part of us. You are the candle in the pot. You help us shine, even with the bumps and bruises, cuts and scrapes. For if we didn't have these openings, Your light would not shine. You are the light in the dark that guides me.
Although I do no know how to put myself together, I believe You have the ability to do so. Soon I will know the reasons and answers behind life's mystery..
But for now, I stand before You as a broken clay pot with broken pieces in my hands, waiting to be fixed...

SOO yeah :) Even though there are pieces missing in us, there is still hope. So don't doubt the confusion, the hurt, and the pain. It's happening for a reason. And although that reason may be unknown as of now, you will eventually know. Just stay strong.