I want to spend some time at Your feet, take me..

Okay, so. Being sick/lying in bed for 3 days straight is horrible. Specially for someone as social as I am. BUT. It was somewhat enjoyable to just hang out, watch movies, learn about God, and have some alone time to think.

I have a three day Campaigner Camp this weekend through YoungLife at our local camp that is about an hour away. And I'm SO excited. I get to spend the whole weekend with my YoungLife family and God. What could be better? The things I kinda was thinking about these past three days revolve around forgiveness. I've been going back in forth trying to figure out how to somehow fix something that is broken..and I just don't know how. But then I realized..if it is weighing so heavy on my heart then I must react. The only problem with this is--I don't know what the reaction should be. I know I'm supposed to be the bigger person (which I'm quite good at if you ask me) but in this situation neither of us did anything wrong. We grew apart and that person decided to leave. Now my question is do I go after them? Or do I let them go? I'm sure I'm not the only one who has had this problem but I've written countless letters, gone over what I want to say thousands of times, and have given up a million times. But there has GOT to be a reason why I'm hanging on.

Forgiveness. Such a simple word..yet so hard to do. I think it's easy to say "I forgive you." but to me, you really aren't fully forgiving them by brushing it under the carpet like nothing happened, or even hanging onto the fact that they did something wrong in your eyes. I think for us to not forgive is to fall, and to fall is not what God intended for us to do. He intended us to stand firm and live like He did. I think to truly forgive you just gotta let go. But in order to do so...you have to talk things over and clear things up. It's the only way.

So I have decided to make a huge gesture and make things right. The title of this blog is "I want to spend some time at Your feet, take me.." because the only way I know how to figure things out is if I give them up to God and let Him lead my steps instead of me. Because I often take the 'wheel' in my life when I clearly know better.

Is there someone that you should forgive to move on? How would you deal with forgiveness? I think we all need a second chance every once in a while. We're human. We fall, and sometimes we need someone to pick us up. My question to you is, are you going to be the person falling or the one picking someone up?

18 Years In..

Oh boy. OH BOY. Let me start by saying I'm smiling right now. Wanna know why?! Because I have the most amazing, crazy, loving, BEST people in my life. I'm finally 18 and I couldn't have asked for a more perfect way to spend my 18th. Everything exceeded any expectation I could have had. I just want to tell everyone what great people I have in my life, give them major bragging rights, and show off all the love I felt this weekend :) Soo here it goes!

When I woke up Friday morning (my birthday) I was first overwhelmed with texts, facebook posts, and all that. Then my mom gave me a huge birthday hug, near tears, because I'm a grown up! THEN I walk outside to leave for school to find my car completely decked out with 'Happy 18th Birthday!' and all these other amazing things written on it. All thanks to Ali, Amanda, Alexis, Carter, and Courtney. Thank you girls for making my day! :) Then I get to school and Ali hands me a beautiful card, Madeline hands me my favorite candy, Hannah hands me nice warm Starbucks, and Jasmine hands me balloons, a birthday pin, and a gift card. You can say that I was just ecstatic with all the love I was receiving! I got phone calls, texts, facebook posts, and hugs throughout the whole day which majorly contributed to my amazing day. For them to take the time out of their day to say happy birthday is wonderful! AHH I just want to re-live it over and over.

That night I had all my best friends over for dinner. We laughed (a lot), ate dinner, played Just Dance 2, had cake and ice cream, and opened presents. They all know me amazingly well because my presents fit my personality. Thanks guys!! :) Then towards the end of the night I realized that I hadn't bought a lotto ticket yet! So me, Catherine, Amanda, and Brittany hopped in Alexis' dad's NICE car to buy a lotto ticket, blasting the music as we went. You can say my night was perfect in the simplest of ways.
My future roommate also told me she sent me a package in the mail for my birthday! Ah, I've known her for about a month and I already feel so close to her. She's amazing! :)

I head to bed after bragging to my parents about all the nice things people said in my cards, and all the presents I had received, at about one o'clock in the morning. I thought hey? It's saturday. I'll get to sleep in! But actually...I was woken up/tackled by Madeline and Kendal that morning as they threw confetti at me saying "Happy Birthday!!!" at about 7:30 am. I sounded like a man because I am getting over a cold, so needless to say--funniest thing EVER. They took me out to breakfast, in my pjs, at Mimi's Cafe. Then we went to the park and just sat in the sun talking about life. They are amazing..and I love you guys so much! :)

Today is Sunday and I finally get to celebrate with my family! We're going to do the whole dinner, presents, and cake thing. But more importantly, I'm excited to spend it with people I adore.


I didn't need any presents or anything. Because I truly got the BEST gift of friends and people I love. Thank you to everyone who contributed to the best birthday I've had to date. You guys are more than amazing and I'm SO beyond blessed to have you in my life. Thank you thank you thank you!!

What happens in Vegas

(I will post pictures from my amazing weekend in a different blog, at a later date..stay tuned.)

You know the expression what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas? Well, in my case I hope that's not true. I had the most amazing, rewarding, fun, fabulous weekend that I've had in a really long time. I need to just explain everything I saw, experienced, and felt throughout this weekend. With that being said..this post may be rather long. But please read it and maybe you can be inspired from at least one thing I say in this :)

Day One: Friday
Debbie and I drove from Temecula to Vegas which is about a four hour drive. The whole drive consisted of eating, listening to music, reading, and talking. Normal road trip. When we got to Alexis' house we obviously attacked her cause we were so excited to see her (it's been a year). Then Alexis, being the amazingly talented singer song writer that she is put on a concert for us. She is brilliant with her music and so inspiring. You can just see God's light through her. Look up Alexis Weber on FB if you don't believe me :) But then we took a drive to see where she lives and goes to school..then rented a movie and talked and painted our toes...totally a girls night, I know. We then attempted to learn from Darrins Dance Groove. (Of course trying to learn the dance to 'Bye, bye, bye') All in all amazing night. But THEN...


Day Two: Saturday
Alexis, Debbie, and I got up at 6:30 am to feed the homeless with Alexis' church. I honestly am at a loss for words on how amazing this experience was. The first place we stopped at we helped people pick out clothes that the church donated. We met a little girl named Alina who was just 10 years old. She was so excited to be getting new clothes and that we were helping her. When it was time to go she ran to her mom with a huge smile on her face and she had this incredible light in her. Most rewarding thing ever. The second place we stopped at was behind apartments in a not so good area. This time we helped pass out lunches and desserts and they were all so thankful and it felt good to know we were doing it for God's glory and for HIS ministry. We met a man named Richard who was 55 years old, pretty messed up mentally..but I can't count how many times he said thank you and how great we were for doing this. He had tears built up in his beautiful blue eyes and my heart was breaking for these amazing people who are just so unfortunate. They believe our society hates them but it's our job to just love on them. Ahh I wish you could all see what I saw. If you get a chance to feed the homeless...do it. Please.

After that we were physically and emotionally drained so we took a nap. Then Alexis had a prayer night at her church..where they found out one of their youth leaders had died, and the whole room was shaken up but so many people loved this man and it's clear that he's partying with Jesus up in heaven. Spending time with God and only God for just that hour was so incredible. We then went to the strip and went to Serendipity's. This night was filled with painful, long walks, interesting people, lots of laughs, silly jokes..everything under the sun. Vegas is such a crazy place for three underaged teenage girls but it was so fun and I loved spending time with my amazing work crew girls. They are encouraging, fun, and so great.

Day Three: Sunday
We woke up early to go to church and I learned such an amazing thing. Live at 212 degrees. Water's boiling point in order to start to steam is 212 degrees. This is how on fire for God we should be..we all have a spiritual temperature and I'm striving to be at 212 degrees and build my relationship with God so it's as strong as it can be. Not just how I look and appear on the outside, but on the inside. I want to be seeking after God in absolutely everything.




Live at 212 Degrees


This is a weekend I will never, ever forget and I'm so blessed with the experiences, people I was with, and people I met for God's purpose. I learned so many things and I'm still in awe..I love God and what He is doing in my life.

God is good, so so good. <3


So yeah, correct me if I'm wrong but I definitely don't think what happened in Vegas should stay in Vegas. I'm carrying out so much of what happened this weekend into my daily life back here in Temecula. I realize how blessed, thankful, and how undeserving I am..and I will never forget that.

And I'll let my words be few, "Jesus I am so in love with You."

Days go by..

Okay, so I've been slacking with my posting every day type thing. So I'm going to recap the past couple of days with what I was thinking and what I did. Here it goes..

On Monday night I had an excellent one-on-one with one of my YoungLife leaders, who I also do WyldLife with. Anyway, as I was waiting to go into the nice warm, comforting Starbucks..I had Lee Dewyze playing in the background and I literally sat and watched so many cars pass by me, about ten cars go in and out of the same parking spot, laughter from young children, parents rushing around, couples meeting for coffee, the list goes on..but I really felt like I was watching life go by right before my eyes. There was something so cool about sitting there watching. I mean, I've always loved people watching, but this was different. Cause it was people that were happy and doing their thing..and they had no idea that I was watching. Ahh I sound like a creeper but I loved it. And I also love having long conversations about where I'm at in life and having encouragements all around me. It's great :)

Tuesday. Hmm. Well, Tuesday was an off day for me. Ya know those days? Well I woke up late, which made me later to school, spilled my coffee, and looked like the mess I was feeling. Haha. But there is some sort of good thing in this because even though I didn't feel my best, people around me made things better and I had an okay day. There wasn't too much deep thought going on that day. BUT. I had Senior Movie Night that night and a bunch of my friends went to Chipotle beforehand. Ahh I just had an excellent night and everything went really smoothly. Plus, we were watching Toy Story 3...what could be better? It was sad because it felt as though the movie applied to us..going to college and whatnot. But I legitimately had a great night and it goes to show that things can turn around.

I have Campaigners tonight and I'm SUPER excited because we're doing a study that will prepare us for college. I know that I will get a lot of it and I can't wait to get together with the girls I love and just talk and laugh.

That's it for me..probably for a few days. I will report back after my lovely friend Debbie gets here and after we go to Vegas. I mean..it's not big deal or anything. AHHH :) thanks for reading everyone! God Bless <3

Timing is Everything

Ohhh gosh. Today was a good, no GREAT day. It was one of those days that I appreciate. Not that I had to do anything absolutely amazing..but who I was with made it that way. I have been in an extremely great mood lately and I really think that it has to do with who I surround myself with. I'm so very blessed.

Anyway, I went on a date with Madeline and Kendal tonight. I love those two lovely ladies. We went to Panera for dinner then to the movies to see Country Strong. I don't care if you don't really fancy country music..GO SEE IT. It was absolutely amazing. I haven't seen that many really great movies lately but this one..blew me away. It was so up and down, happy then sad. But in the best way possible. Not to mention the acting was phenonemal. It was one of those movies that is hard to give a summary of, but the overrall message is definitely blogging worthy.

What I got out of the movie is timing is everything, choose love, always, and do what makes you happy. Now..these things are very broad. But I really believe that everything that happens in our lives is for a specific reason and it was definitely supposed to happen at the time it did. But these things go together. I think so many times we are after happiness in the form of education, a job, friends, money, etc. and we don't really choose to be happy with those who are in our lives, as well as what we have in our lives. We're worrying about little things about who the "in" crowd is, what crazy things we're going to do over the weekend, what guy is in our lives..the list goes on and on. But I think we really need to be happy with the moment we're in. Ya know?

We need to not worry about little things such as, high school. For me, I know high school was a fun time and sort of a fact of life..but I'm ready to move onto bigger things. There is a whole world out there waiting for me and it makes me sad knowing some people are just dying to live and stay in high school. In the movie, the main character says that we shouldn't be afraid to fall in love, and we should fall in love with everything. I love this. I want to be reminded everyday of the things that are beautiful to me, the people that make me realize love exists, and the amazing life that God gave me. He wakes me up every morning hoping that I direct my steps in such a way that will glorify Him, and He always wants me to be happy. I wake up angry, sad, and hurt very often..but I think I need to wake up happy and be satisfied with the reasons I'm here, doing the things I'm doing, and doing these things with the people He's provided me with.

I know this post was a little all over the place..but I feel as though you will get it if you see the movie. You'll know where I got all these thoughts & it will make more sense. Thanks for taking this journey with me, and trying to understand all the thoughts I have. I so much appreciate it :)

Ps.... 5 days until I see Debbie Lee.

6 Days until we trek to Vegas to see Alexis Weber.

13 Days until I'm 18!!!!

I think this may be why I'm so beyond happy :) :)

Have a great week, my friends!

It's okay to cry

Often times I hear people (and I think it too) that it is a form of weakness to cry. You know what? It's not. Sometimes to get over something the only way is to let out a good cry. I think there is something beautiful in opening up to someone and seeing someone cry, it lets you know that there is a special bond and you have the courage to be vulnerable.

I was going to write this post last night, but it was late so I decided to write it today. Last night, I had Campaigners (which is like a Bible study through YoungLife) and it hit me that this is my last semester ever with some of the greatest girls and the greatest leader I could ask for. Now, that was sad enough in itself. But I know that I can trust those girls with everything and there was something so AMAZING about how deep we got into our study as well as life.

Their hearts for God and for others makes me happy and encourage me beyond belief. I know that we have this insane connection that we've had since freshman year. And we all opened up so much and let each other cry, as well as sincerely comforting each other. I like how we challenge each other to be better and know what to say and when to say it. Not only can we completely break down, we laugh more than we should. I walk out of that house feeling better just from the talks, laughs, and cries. I just adore those girls and appreciate them SO much. I can't help but get teary eyed thinking about not getting together every Wednesday to go deeper and grow stronger. But I have and will continue to learn so much from these talks, from these girls, and from my amazing leader. I'm so beyond blessed to have them in my life. I LOVE YoungLife. That's all there is to it. So..to my campaigner girls; I love you. And I'm so thankful for you.

Here's a "My Princess" letter to let you know that it's okay to cry.

My Princess-

It's okay to cry.

I see how hard you try to handle your heart, and I know you want to live a life without heartaches or pain. I'm asking you to take a step closer to your Father in heaven by crying out to Me when you hurt. Let me heal you. Remember My chosen, King David? He cried out to Me in his fears, disappointments, and sin, and I answered. You are also My chosen one, and you are My daughter...so it's okay to cry. I don't expect you to pretend that pain is not real. It is truth and tears that will give you the freedom that I want you to know. Now let go of that part of your heart that only I can heal. Let your heavenly Daddy hold you while you cry.

Love,

Your King who wipes away your tears

If you need to let out a good cry, do it. It's okay.

You're Everything

This will be a short blog. Because this video says it all. It is simply beautiful, amazing, and heart wrenching.
The one thing I will say about this is my dear friend that I served beside for 2 years, Amanda Carroll performed
this at her high school, as a Senior. It won first place..of course. This skit is done at churches & at YoungLife camps
all over the world. Watch and be amazed <3

Every day is a new beginning

To start this off, this post won't be anything special. Tonight is one of those nights where I just want to write. And it'll probably be a little all over the place because let's face it..my brain thinks something different ever second. I can't keep up. Haha.

BUT. Tomorrow marks a big day. I am into the second half of my Senior Year. I have something going on pretty much EVERY weekend in January. So that month will fly by, Febuary is super short, March/April we have a two week Spring Break, and May..we graduate. Needless to say, our lives in high school are about to flash before our eyes. I'm really excited. Of course, I'm sort of (no I take that back, REALLY..) dreading school..but just the school aspect of it. The waking up before the sun is out, the traffic of getting to school, the pointless hour of classes..for 5 periods, ahh. It is a drag, I'm not going to lie. But for some reason I'm actually excited to go back. Don't worry..I'll write another blog tomorrow wondering why on earth I ever said that..but it's how I'm feeling at this moment & that's what this blog is about. Right?

Anyway, this break was overrall really relaxing. One that probably won't go down in history or anything..but it was really nice. I got to spend a lot of time with family which I love. So I have no regrets that I didn't do something every second of every day during break.

I talk about college everyday with a girl that could potentially be my roommate. (Who is amazing by the way). Oh and I'm almost set that Northern Arizona University is going to be the college for me. It's beautiful, it's an amazing 6 and a half hours away from Temecula, it has YoungLife, it has weather changes...it's got everything I want. AND God has already provided me someone who is exactly like me to be my roommate. I mean honestly, how can I not see this as God's plan, and not just some mere coinicidence? I'm so very blessed to say the least :)

Feelings are all over the place for me. I don't know how to feel. Because on certain days all I can think about is the future. Then on some days all I can think about is never leaving the present. What I need to do is LIVE in the present and just let the future unfold when it is supposed to. (Hence, the future.) Life is such a crazy thing and even amongst all the weird stuff and bad stuff happening in my life I just need to continue to be thankful and blessed for what I do have. That's all that matters.

I posted a quote on Facebook;

Some people are meant to be in your life forever, and some are just meant to make an appearance. This quote is beyond accurate, but what I LOVE is that my dear and lovely friend Kendal commented on it saying.."but all of them serve a purpose." That created such a HUGE change in the quote. Because I know that they serve a purpose, she just helped me realize that no matter what.. God put them in my life for a very specific reason. Thank you soo much Kendal. You are so AMAZING. And I love you :)

Sorry for the thousands of thoughts I just posted, but I'm going to end with this;

God doesn't give you the people you want. He gives you the people you need. To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you, and to make you the person you are meant to be.

Just take a moment to reflect on that and thanks for reading :)

And I see your true colors..

Warning: This post may be sad, and may be very long..

I don't miss you. I miss the person I thought you were.

I think the saddest thing I've had to deal with is seeing someone that you've seen everyday for years, and not recognize them. Sometimes I don't understand why things happen. I want to take control and I know that I can't, I don't have that power. I wish I could take all stupid, bad things out of our world and change them to good things. I keep asking myself "Why?!" like I did when I was little. But this time, it is more serious why questions instead of the normal "why, mom?" questions..

Why is there peer pressure? Why do people lose themselves? Why do they forget about their morals? Why do they forget the people that have been there for so long? Why do people stop caring? Stop loving? Why do people leave? Why do they change? Why doesn't life slow down when we want it to? Why is that we don't have the power to change people? Why do people let us down? Why?!?

I know that I won't get answers right now. I think that may be the worst part about this whole thing. I just can't help but feel sad knowing how much of the wordly things of our daily lives are taking over. I know that people change. And in that, we're supposed to love them anyway. My problem is...I don't know how to act, feel, what to say, to these strangers that I'm surrounded with.

I think this is a test. To stand by even if I know that things are wrong right now. I know that there is a purpose for everything I just have to wait it out to see what happens. I need to trust God that He will be the one to change things, to make people leave, bring people back, etc. I don't know what to do but I am learning everyday and I have to be thankful for that.

Today is never too late to be brand new..

Oh, don't you ever grow up

Well, it's 2011 now! How very exciting :) I just want to say how blessed I was that I have two amazing, extraordinary ladies such as Kendal and Madeline in my life. I honestly don't know what I would do without them. They made this New Years one I will never forget. Really, to me, the simplest of things such as going to the movies, eating, catching up, talking about God and life, and playing Wii (Just Dance!:)) made for such a fantastic night. I don't need big New Years plans when I have people like them that play such a HUGE role in my life. Thank God for them!

I feel as though now that it is finally 2011 things are just going to go extremely fast. Like, faster than I want it to. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to start a beautiful new chapter of my life..I'm just afraid to end this one. Is it possible to just be in between chapters for a while? Cause that would be marvelous.

I was thinking the other day about 13 Going on 30..how the main character is just DYING to grow up and start a new life and just be older. Then I was reminded that if you are quick to grow up, you won't get to enjoy being a kid. I would love to tell that little girl to go slow & to take life by the reins and just LIVE, rather than wanting to grow up so fast. Now that I am nearly 20 days from being a legal adult..I'm thinking well..life is mine. Once I get out of high school I can be who I want to be & do things that God intended me to do.

This New Year I want to see God in everything I do. In the Sunrises and Sunsets, in people's smiles, in the rain, snow, and wind, as I experience the mountaintops, run through tall trees, and see the beauty that He created for my enjoyment to be reminded that He is with me, always.

I know this year will be a rollercoaster..but I'm willing to make it one of the best YET.

Hey God, what's in store for me this year?