Stressed is desserts spelled backwards

I don't like the word stressed. And I have come to realize that it is desserts spelled backwards. It really isn't worth it to stress about little things, but yet I continue to do so. And I can't seem to figure out why? I feel like the picture above describes how I've been feeling lately. A little lost, a little broken, a little confused, but still have so much love to give.

This week has been a bit of a rollercoaster for me. From school, to friends, to finding a job, and figuring out prom and concerts this summer...I was at my breaking point. My friends realized this and tried to help, but it wasn't working..I just needed my moment to regain strength. Then I realized I had been carrying the weight of the world on MY shoulders when I really should have given them to God. I've realized that there are reasons for why people come in and out of our lives, they all have something to offer and something to teach us. But you know what the worst part of them not being in your life anymore is? They take a piece of your heart. I know that sounds cliche...but I truly mean that. It feels almost as if they died, because you never get what you once had back, and you know at one point..you may never see them again. It seems depressing and I don't want this post to be like that. That's what I love about my religion. It's not just a religion, it's a relationship. And it's an amazing love story..

God started working His wonderful magic at the right time..because everything started finally falling into place. School is still stressful, but I only have 33 days left. I can do it. Friends are fantastic and I have an AMAZING group to go with at prom (which is also all figured out..finally!) AND I got a job! You're looking at the newest member of Whimsical..a frozen yogurt/gelato place! My first day is tomorrow and I'm really excited :) Hopefully I don't mess up..haha.

But anyway, this post isn't too long nor very insightful..but I just wanted this post to be about the joyous things going on in my life! I will have a better one soon, promise. Hope everyone is doing fantastic and enjoying life. Much love <3

Defying Gravity

"Something has changed within me, something is not the same. I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep. It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap! It's time to try defying gravity, I think I'll try defying gravity..I think I'll try defying gravity, and you can't pull me down."

This song is from the Broadway play Wicked, and if you haven't seen it yet..please change that, immediately. The lyric up there is self explanatory so this blog needs no explanation. It's late and I feel as though this sums up my thoughts. Along with that, me, Courtney, Amanda, and Hannah BLASTED this song on the way home from an adventurous night after seeing Hailey get her award. Honestly, one of my favorite things is being with my best friends, singing loud ridiculous songs with the windows down. I'm so very blessed :)

And no one's gunna bring me down..

Never, Neverland

6 weeks. 44 days. However you look at it, Graduation is coming...full speed ahead. I can't begin to explain to you how many mixed emotions I've had through the course of this year. It's been one of the toughest in high school, and one of the greatest. I've seen people change and hurt and lose themselves. I've seen people rejoice, gain sight of who they are, and get back on track. I've seen people make huge decisions that have altered the course of their life, myself included. Though this journey has been rocky, I've come out of it feeling amazed. Of course, there are many things that didn't go exactly as planned..but what fun would that be? Things happen for a reason and that is one thing I know for certain.

I'm going to Northern Arizona University in 4 months. I'm LIVING in Arizona in 4 months. You can say that I am beyond excited. And part of that is that I have an amazing roommate that I have only known for 4 months, but I already feel like she's my best friend. I know that being 500 miles away from home is going to be difficult, but having adventures, talks, laughs, and bible studies with Madelyn will make it all worthwhile. I'm blessed that God literally put her in my life and He was the reason for us meeting. :)

Facebook is an amazing thing, although it distracts me and consumes too much of my time, I LOVE it all the same. It has given me the chance to meet potential friends that are also attending NAU. Marvelous. I'm also so very excited that I will already have a new family going there. Why you ask? Because I have YoungLife. When you have YoungLife in common, it's an immediate friendship. I promise. I can't wait for that.

As much as I can't wait for this Fall..I'm terrified. This new found emotion has come over me, intensely. My heart hurts when I think of saying goodbye to my parents, and my older brother. Who have literally been my rock and my role models. How will I not see them everyday? And how could I possibly give up the many friendships that have taken years to build, and who have become my sisters? And lastly, how will I give up my comfortble, amazing family that I have with Temecula YoungLife? It has consumed my life for the past 4 years. From leadership meetings, laughs, cries, Campaigners, camp, worship, God, middle schoolers, and amazing people who have guided me in my walk with Christ...I can't fathom saying goodbye to them.

I've never been good with goodbyes, but I can say whole heartedly that these goodbyes will be the hardest I've had to do in my whole life.

In all these emotions, I am stuck. One day I can't wait. The next day I want to break down. I've pictured Graduation day countless times. When I picture it, I see my classmates in their gowns and I see everyone walking across the stage, receiving their diploma after 4 long years. But I can't picture what emotion I will have that day. Will I be happy, or sad? Or maybe a mixture of both? Know idea.

All I know is, God has it all planned out.

I wish at times like these I lived in Neverland. I could catch up with life and prepare myself for what's next. But that's not how life works. And I know that. So while I figure all this out, I'm enjoying my last 6 weeks. 44 days. to the fullest and the best of my ability. Here's to the next chapter!

Hello, My name is HUMAN

"When I don't measure up to much in this life, Oh I'm a treasure in the arms of Christ"

You know what I've been thinking about a lot lately? How you can never truly please everyone, you can't always be accepted, and you won't always be liked. Now..I'm definitely a victim of being upset when I hear people talk about me or read something terrible written about me...but why should they matter? They shouldn't. And they don't. Day by day, a million trillion compliments could be thrown at you and you could only receive one bad insult, and what do you remember when you're lying in bed at night? The one bad insult, of course.

On these blogs I like to write about things that float through my head and things that I am currently going through. Recently, I have one hundred percent realized who my true friends are. The ones that I know for certain are going to be there for me even when I'm 500 miles away. But realizing that there are only a handful of these friends, I am left thinking about the handful that only think negatively about me. I'm trying as hard as I can to not let that affect me. Other people's opinions and little rude comments should not affect us. I'm not saying that because I am voicing this problem, and choosing to forget about them will suddenly solve the way others make me feel...but it will help. I have people in my life who care about me and love me. What more could I possibly need?

When it comes down to it, the world is going to shoot down good ideas, tell you that you aren't worth it, that you aren't beautiful, etc. But they don't matter. Everyone is given a label..some see you as a good person, a nice person, a Christian, a jerk, judgemental, self-righteous, and so on. Of course we mess up, and fail, and on occasion lose sight of who we really are which causes people to assume, but those people want to see us fail, and they want to see us hurt. We're HUMAN. It's a sick, twisted thing..but it somehow makes us feel better when someone else is in pain. That label that you are given, whether you know about it or not, does not matter. God sees me the way I am and they way we are, and that is the only label I want to pay attention to. Seeing it this way is better than being bothered with what everyone else thinks. Be the bigger person, and don't give people labels..you have no idea how it might affect them.

"Afterall, we're only human.."