I wish it were that easy

So here I am, in bed thinking..and what do I know how to do best when this happens? Listen to music and blog. Here it goes.

I recently hit a wall. Not just a regular wall, a brick wall. I had my "oh my gosh I am leaving in two and a half weeks and my whole life is going to change" moment. And let me just say, it was not fun. Not only am I freaked out beyond words, I am panicking. I just feel like this whole going away to college and starting a new life is so much easier for everyone else but me. Or maybe that's just the way it seems on the outside?

I've gotten pretty good at hiding how I am feeling about this all up until recently. It's starting to affect my days a little bit more and that in itself is killing me. I don't want to waste the rest of my summer in fear and sadness. That is just a waste of the the two weeks I DO have left. I don't know how to wipe these feelings out and just begin to be excited. Which, I am very excited because I know I am supposed to be going this far away

and I know I have a great year to look forward to. I just can't shake this fear. I know within a couple of months I will be laughing at myself for even having these feelings..I just want to get to that point.

If I could skip the first couple of weeks where I am homesick, don't really know where my group of friends will lie, and everything is so NEW and scary..I would. But I know what you're thinking as you read this...you're not the first to feel this way, you need to go through this because it'll make you who you are, and it will all be worth it. I know all of this. And yet I still just want to skip it.

I have been dying to just feel at peace with it all. And I have had plenty of conversations trying to calm me down and talk me out of it, and yes, they help in the moment. It's when I'm by myself thinking that gets me or when I go downstairs to the room where I have three boxes taped up and ready to be put in the car...that's when I panic.

WHY?! That question haunts me. I just want to know why I can't just feel excited and my list of emotions stops there. I want to be excited. I'm working on it, I really am. My future lies ahead of me and I know it's perfect and will glorify God and I just NEED to have faith in that. Thanks for reading my rant. I appreciate you :)