Stressed is desserts spelled backwards

I don't like the word stressed. And I have come to realize that it is desserts spelled backwards. It really isn't worth it to stress about little things, but yet I continue to do so. And I can't seem to figure out why? I feel like the picture above describes how I've been feeling lately. A little lost, a little broken, a little confused, but still have so much love to give.

This week has been a bit of a rollercoaster for me. From school, to friends, to finding a job, and figuring out prom and concerts this summer...I was at my breaking point. My friends realized this and tried to help, but it wasn't working..I just needed my moment to regain strength. Then I realized I had been carrying the weight of the world on MY shoulders when I really should have given them to God. I've realized that there are reasons for why people come in and out of our lives, they all have something to offer and something to teach us. But you know what the worst part of them not being in your life anymore is? They take a piece of your heart. I know that sounds cliche...but I truly mean that. It feels almost as if they died, because you never get what you once had back, and you know at one point..you may never see them again. It seems depressing and I don't want this post to be like that. That's what I love about my religion. It's not just a religion, it's a relationship. And it's an amazing love story..

God started working His wonderful magic at the right time..because everything started finally falling into place. School is still stressful, but I only have 33 days left. I can do it. Friends are fantastic and I have an AMAZING group to go with at prom (which is also all figured out..finally!) AND I got a job! You're looking at the newest member of Whimsical..a frozen yogurt/gelato place! My first day is tomorrow and I'm really excited :) Hopefully I don't mess up..haha.

But anyway, this post isn't too long nor very insightful..but I just wanted this post to be about the joyous things going on in my life! I will have a better one soon, promise. Hope everyone is doing fantastic and enjoying life. Much love <3

Defying Gravity

"Something has changed within me, something is not the same. I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep. It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap! It's time to try defying gravity, I think I'll try defying gravity..I think I'll try defying gravity, and you can't pull me down."

This song is from the Broadway play Wicked, and if you haven't seen it yet..please change that, immediately. The lyric up there is self explanatory so this blog needs no explanation. It's late and I feel as though this sums up my thoughts. Along with that, me, Courtney, Amanda, and Hannah BLASTED this song on the way home from an adventurous night after seeing Hailey get her award. Honestly, one of my favorite things is being with my best friends, singing loud ridiculous songs with the windows down. I'm so very blessed :)

And no one's gunna bring me down..

Never, Neverland

6 weeks. 44 days. However you look at it, Graduation is coming...full speed ahead. I can't begin to explain to you how many mixed emotions I've had through the course of this year. It's been one of the toughest in high school, and one of the greatest. I've seen people change and hurt and lose themselves. I've seen people rejoice, gain sight of who they are, and get back on track. I've seen people make huge decisions that have altered the course of their life, myself included. Though this journey has been rocky, I've come out of it feeling amazed. Of course, there are many things that didn't go exactly as planned..but what fun would that be? Things happen for a reason and that is one thing I know for certain.

I'm going to Northern Arizona University in 4 months. I'm LIVING in Arizona in 4 months. You can say that I am beyond excited. And part of that is that I have an amazing roommate that I have only known for 4 months, but I already feel like she's my best friend. I know that being 500 miles away from home is going to be difficult, but having adventures, talks, laughs, and bible studies with Madelyn will make it all worthwhile. I'm blessed that God literally put her in my life and He was the reason for us meeting. :)

Facebook is an amazing thing, although it distracts me and consumes too much of my time, I LOVE it all the same. It has given me the chance to meet potential friends that are also attending NAU. Marvelous. I'm also so very excited that I will already have a new family going there. Why you ask? Because I have YoungLife. When you have YoungLife in common, it's an immediate friendship. I promise. I can't wait for that.

As much as I can't wait for this Fall..I'm terrified. This new found emotion has come over me, intensely. My heart hurts when I think of saying goodbye to my parents, and my older brother. Who have literally been my rock and my role models. How will I not see them everyday? And how could I possibly give up the many friendships that have taken years to build, and who have become my sisters? And lastly, how will I give up my comfortble, amazing family that I have with Temecula YoungLife? It has consumed my life for the past 4 years. From leadership meetings, laughs, cries, Campaigners, camp, worship, God, middle schoolers, and amazing people who have guided me in my walk with Christ...I can't fathom saying goodbye to them.

I've never been good with goodbyes, but I can say whole heartedly that these goodbyes will be the hardest I've had to do in my whole life.

In all these emotions, I am stuck. One day I can't wait. The next day I want to break down. I've pictured Graduation day countless times. When I picture it, I see my classmates in their gowns and I see everyone walking across the stage, receiving their diploma after 4 long years. But I can't picture what emotion I will have that day. Will I be happy, or sad? Or maybe a mixture of both? Know idea.

All I know is, God has it all planned out.

I wish at times like these I lived in Neverland. I could catch up with life and prepare myself for what's next. But that's not how life works. And I know that. So while I figure all this out, I'm enjoying my last 6 weeks. 44 days. to the fullest and the best of my ability. Here's to the next chapter!

Hello, My name is HUMAN

"When I don't measure up to much in this life, Oh I'm a treasure in the arms of Christ"

You know what I've been thinking about a lot lately? How you can never truly please everyone, you can't always be accepted, and you won't always be liked. Now..I'm definitely a victim of being upset when I hear people talk about me or read something terrible written about me...but why should they matter? They shouldn't. And they don't. Day by day, a million trillion compliments could be thrown at you and you could only receive one bad insult, and what do you remember when you're lying in bed at night? The one bad insult, of course.

On these blogs I like to write about things that float through my head and things that I am currently going through. Recently, I have one hundred percent realized who my true friends are. The ones that I know for certain are going to be there for me even when I'm 500 miles away. But realizing that there are only a handful of these friends, I am left thinking about the handful that only think negatively about me. I'm trying as hard as I can to not let that affect me. Other people's opinions and little rude comments should not affect us. I'm not saying that because I am voicing this problem, and choosing to forget about them will suddenly solve the way others make me feel...but it will help. I have people in my life who care about me and love me. What more could I possibly need?

When it comes down to it, the world is going to shoot down good ideas, tell you that you aren't worth it, that you aren't beautiful, etc. But they don't matter. Everyone is given a label..some see you as a good person, a nice person, a Christian, a jerk, judgemental, self-righteous, and so on. Of course we mess up, and fail, and on occasion lose sight of who we really are which causes people to assume, but those people want to see us fail, and they want to see us hurt. We're HUMAN. It's a sick, twisted thing..but it somehow makes us feel better when someone else is in pain. That label that you are given, whether you know about it or not, does not matter. God sees me the way I am and they way we are, and that is the only label I want to pay attention to. Seeing it this way is better than being bothered with what everyone else thinks. Be the bigger person, and don't give people labels..you have no idea how it might affect them.

"Afterall, we're only human.."

Gives me hope

SO, this post is titled 'Gives me Hope' because I went to Palm Springs a couple of Saturday's ago to visit one of my very wonderful, amazing friends, Cara, from Work Crew. She was raving about this website/book that is entitled 'Gives me hope', it is like FML for optimistic people...or so it says on their website. Haha. Anyway, reading through those not only gives me chills, puts a smile on my face, and tears well up in my eyes..it made me think of ALL the beautiful things and people that give me hope in my own life.

So many times we fail to see the good, and only see the bad. We fight being vulnerable, because we think it's weak. We hate talking about what's going on because it draws attention, and we don't want to let our guard down because then people know too much. I think that seeing the hope in everyday situations is not only necessary for happiness, it will also give others hope around us. We never know when someone is watching us, and being strong in a terrible situation, or smiling when you are hurting can give someone hope.

Last week, I had a sleepover with Hannah, Amanda, Courtney, and Hailey. These girls have been my rock and my comfort for the past 4 years, spilling our guts, crying, laughing..all of it. We were able to sit and talk and cry about things that were going on in our lives, and not only that..but they were so encouraging. They knew about something that I've been struggling with and were there with open arms to tell me I'm beautiful and that I encourage and inspire them. THEY give me hope. I look at them and know I have a real, amazing friendship with them. To be able to say that is incredible. They give me hope.

The past few days were spent at, in my opinion, one of God's most amazing masterpieces. The beach. I am so blessed to say that I have gone beach camping with my best friend and her family for the past 7 years. We go every Spring Break, and being a senior..this meant this could be our last one. But I know that we will still have many adventures ahead of us and we will continue beach camping. Anyway, being with her in such a beautiful setting is so hard to explain..Madeline is someone that knows when I'm sad, angry, grumpy, happy, excited..all of the above. And she is such a light when all I can see is darkness. Seeing every sunset over the ocean with my best friend..gives me hope. Along with that, Hannah, Amanda, and Courtney came to visit us and we laughed and talked on the beach and then took ridiculous pictures at sunset. You could say it's been a fantastic Spring Break.

One final thing I want to talk about is what I mentioned in the beginning of this post. You never know who is watching you to give THEM hope. I am beyond words when I say that when I get a text saying that I encourage them, or that they want my help, or they want to see what all this YoungLife stuff is about...I want to jump for joy. Half the time I have NO idea they are watching me for insight or encouragement..but they are. So, think about what gives you hope. And what you can do to give others hope. It's a rough world, but having hope makes it worth it all.

Have an amazing rest of your week, God bless, and I love you all <3 (ps..thanks for reading!!)

Kids say the darndest things

Okay. I know, I know. I've been majorly slacking at this posting a blog frequently thing. I promise I'll figure out a way to write every week, because I absolutely love it and it is an escape. I have been so so so busy lately it's not even funny. I can't even begin to describe all that I have been doing but this post will be a catch up session on everything that's been going on in my life. It may be long, so I apologize..HERE it goes..

Alright, so a couple of weeks ago (this is where I choose to start my catch up) I went to Disneyland with Courtney, Raymond, Amanda, and Alexis. It was pouring all day, and it was very cold. But honestly, it was one of the BEST trips to Disneyland I've had in a very long time. There were barely any lines (because of the rain) and it was just so happy there. I mean, when is the happiest place on earth not happy? But, it was even HAPPIER than usual :) I love hanging out with them and there were so many inside jokes that were made, it makes me smile to this day. The reason why I love going so much is because it makes me feel like a little kid again, which I love. Which brings me to my next point!

For my Child Development class we go to an Elementary School to mentor and observe and just help teach the kids, so for the past 3 weeks I've been going every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Let me just say...I LOVE kids. They teach me more than I teach them. Honestly. The very first day, two girls came up to me and said "You're so pretty!" I mean, it's like being a superstar in the classroom. Instant self-esteem boost. But they also teach me to be carefree, not to stress, and get that innocence back that I had when I was their age. I love helping them, playing games with them, and creating ridiculous art projects with them. I love every single first grader in that class. Ahh they are just fantastic.

Another thing I've been focusing on and feeling is having hope and faith. I mean, it's such a simple thing in theory. But honestly I've seen people seriously hit there lowest of lows and God kept telling me to don't give up, and I couldn't understand for so long. But I get it now. Seeing someone I love with all my heart break down in front of me and tell me that they felt God hugging them, felt Him pull them back to Him, was the most amazing thing I've ever seen. It gives me so much inspiration to be a light in this dark, dark world. Even the littlest text or smile can seriously change someones whole day and whole outlook on life. I can't wait to se what else God has in store for me.

There are so many more things I could catch you up on but basically I would like to list things that have made me happy within the last couple of weeks, despite how crappy some of my days have been..

-Dinner and movies with Madeline.

-3 hour unintentional phone conversations with Hailey.

-Funny texts :)

-Good, great guys

-Laughter

-Scoring an A on my math test (hard work really does pay off)

-Disneyland (obviously..)

-Babysitting adorable kids!

-Rain

-Long great conversations

-Getting to know someone really well

-Seeing God work in someone before my own eyes

-Love everywhere

-Smiles from strangers

Really the list goes on...but I'm again, so blessed through all the happy, sad, frustrating, and amazing times.

Sorry this was so unbelievably long. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you have SUCH a blessed day and rest of your week :)

I get it

So...I'm sick again. Haha. This is the third time this year (and it's only been 2011 for a month and a half). So I've come to the realization that God has to be telling me to slow down, and rest. I do admit that I have been going and going and going a lot lately but I didn't really realize that my body does need rest, more than I give it. I'm deciding to go to bed earlier, not go on the computer as often, and every little down time I have will spend relaxing with my big Man upstairs. It shalll be wonderful :)

Aside from being sick, today was one of those really great days. The ones where nothing GREAT happened per say, but it was just good. In all my classes I found myself laughing and enjoying the people around me and just listening to their stories (good and bad)..and realizing that we all have something that we're hiding. A little something that we're either keeping from someone to spare their feelings, or to spare our own. And I was just thinking that we all need to give each other a fair chance. I feel like so many times in life we judge people based on how they talk, walk, present themselves, who they hang out with, and so on. But that's obviously not fair. That's not how we would want people to think of us so why on earth would we do that to others? I heard someone say how annoying this one kid in my english class was, and I too, agree that sometimes this person can be frustrating, but it's not fair..because I know something about this person that it is eating them alive but they don't show it. That is a STRONG person if you ask me. To hold their head high despite everything their going through...I envy people like that. They amaze me. Basically, what I'm trying to say is wait until you know someone's full personality and life before you make your opinions..they could be dealing with something way beyond anything we could fathom.

Secondly. These blogs are an escape for me. I LOVE writing, always have and I believe I always will. But today. Today blew my mind. I will keep this person's name annonymous for now (because I don't know how they would feel about me using their name..) but this person texted me today. And this person has always inspired me, because of how smart they are, and how ambitious. And of course for their love of God. But this person texted me..telling me how moved they were by one of my blog enteries. That it brought them to tears. And that I truly helped them put things into perspective and said everything they were feeling. I teared up when I read this text. Because my writing means the world to me..and for me to be able to help someone by my simple words is beyond anything I could ever ask for..so to this person; thank you. I love you. And I'm blessed you are in my life!

Overall, the little things that frustrate me, annoy me, make me angry..they all go away when stuff like this happens to me. It all gets put into perspective. Once again, I gotta thank God for reminding me. Thanks for reading :) You are all amazing.