See you later

See you later, instead of goodbye. That has been my motto for the past week. It has FINALLY hit me like a ton of bricks that this is it. I have 3 days of high school left, and one week until I am officially a high school graduate. Up until that amazing, sad, exciting, nerve-racking day...I have to think of how to deal with talking to people and writing in their yearbooks without saying goodbye..because I just refuse.

Monday night was one of the hardest nights I've had. It was my final Wyldlife club with some of the greatest middle schoolers that I've spent the past two years with, and it was my last ever Younglife club with the family that has shaped me the past 4 years. I can honestly say that I knew it would be hard...but not nearly as hard as it actually was. Wyldlife club was an emotional one to begin with because it was one of the more intense ones that we've done. We had a beyond amazing singer and friend come play guitar and sing a couple of worship songs...ah, she is just GREAT. :) (thanks Natalie!!) and we played the Everything skit, which is a few blogs down there...but it was just amazing to see the middle schoolers so captivated..God is doing awesome things in their lives and I can't wait to see where life takes them!

Then, we had a little leader dinner for the last time. Ryan and Aliah have been huge parts of my life within the last two years and they gave me a very special card and gift card and said something nice about each of us, which was just great. Finally...Younglife Club rolled around. It started out as a normal club, playing games and such. Until they played a slide show of all the clubs we've had this year..with graduation songs in it. That's when I began to feel every rush of emotion rolled into one. Hahah. It was senior night so the songs, and a lot of different things were all related to the seniors. Ryan called the seniors up to receive a Younglife pin to wear on our gowns and that's when we lost it. I then had to start giving hugs and say the word "goodbye, but we WILL see each other!" to many people who I absolutely adore.

I know I've talked about Younglife in nearly every single post..but I can't begin to explain what Younglife and the people in it, has done for me in the last 4 years. The words "it changed my life" is an understatement. I would NOT be the person I am today without it. So sitting there for the last time was the hardest thing I will probably have to say goodbye to this year. I am so so so blessed for the family it gave me and the things I learned. It will forever be the best part of my high school career and I can't believe it's all over. I can look back and truly know that God purposely put it and everyone in it in my life for a reason. So. Amazing.

Today, I had to say goodbye to my first grade class that I've been working with the past 12 weeks. Oh BOY are they great. One of the girls, Elyssa, got me a dog that had a graduation cap on and it was adorable. They also all wrote me letters and my teacher gave me a card/gift card. I was overwhelmed with love from each of them and I'm so thankful I got to have that experience and feel like I made a difference in their life. That will be one of my favorite memories from Senior year and my heart is just so happy :)

As I finish out these last 3 days strong, I will sign all the yearbooks as if I will be seeing them next year. It's going to be an emotional rollercoaster but I one hundred percent know that I am SO EXCITED to graduate from Chaparral High School on May 26th :) :) I will have a full report after that exciting, amazing day. Then, I will be officially college bound!

See you later :)

It's all beginning to end

Boy oh boy..I have never been more happier to be a senior than I am right now. These past two weeks have been nothing short of AMAZING. I am finally realizing that I may actually miss all this. I never thought I would actually want to turn back time while in high school, until now.

I will start with Prom. May 7, 2011. What a night to remember. I got to spend it with the best people ever and I couldn't have asked for anything better!

We started out taking goofy and crazy pictures at Ponte Winery then headed to Dana Point for dinner at Salt Creek Grille, which was RIGHT by the ocean and so beautiful.
Then, we headed towards the venue but before that, a firetruck picked us up. YES, a firetruck took all of us to our Senior Prom..legit? Oh you know it.

We all danced the night away and it was great..but one of my favorite parts about this dance was just relaxing by the firepit or dancing to the jazz band on the upper deck with all my friends and my wonderful date. We ended this fantastic night at a hotel where we talked, laughed, and hung out. I have the BEST friends ever and I'm so blessed :)

Next, was Disney Grad Night. May 12th-May 13th. I'm not going to lie, I was a little afraid that I was going to be WAY too tired, and end up not having that much fun. But it was the complete opposite. Haha.

Before we went to the school, Hannah, Amanda, and I went to Starbucks to get some caffeine. We each got drinks that had 4 shots of expresso in it..umm yeah. Then on our way we had some 5 hour energy drinks, so basically we were wired. Hahah. But this truly lasted me all night long. The bus ride was fun, happy, and so enthusiastic. Bus number 5 killed it. Just saying. My group that I was with all night was fantastic, and was all about 20 people. So going on rides was insane and fun..because we all managed to stay together. The first ride we decided to go on (which everyone else did too) was Space Mountain. We literally were trampled from all the people but was it worth it? Oh yeah. We also hit the dance floors through out the night which was also incredible. Never thought I would go dancing at 2 in the morning in Disneyland. BUT I did.
I was going strong until about 4:15 am..then I started to crash. I ended up taking a couple of twenty minute power naps and then finally headed back to the bus at about 5:15. You could say that after I showered and ate something, I crashed at about 8:00 am until 3:00 pm. Disney Grad Night=COMPLETE success. Thanks to my lovely group for making it so amazing :)

I have seven school days, and twelve full days until I graduate. I know I've posted how ready, and excited, and also about how I can't believe it..but at this very moment..those emotions are at and all time high. My brain literally can't wrap my brain around it. But I know that I will have these memories to look back on forever..and I'm so glad that they were amazing ones. :)

Just Be

I've been thinking about Work Crew a lot lately. It will be two years in July since I spent the hardest, most amazing three weeks of my life with the greatest people on earth. It doesn't seem real to me that THAT much time has gone by. I had just finished my Sophomore year when I left for Oregon and now I'm graduating. Too crazy for me to wrap my head around.

Anyway, the reason why I've been thinking about it is because every time I'm handed something painful, or a really hard situation when I feel my weakest, I remember how much I grew that summer and how hard I worked all for God's glory. I often times take for granted the people that I met and how they are continuing to help me grow..even from all over the United States.

Throughout that summer I learned how to be who I am, accept who I am, and really know what it's like to put my all in something that is so much bigger than myself. As a housekeeping team, our theme of the session was 'Just Be'..I think that I run around like a chicken with my head chopped off WAY too much. I let stress get the best of me and I honestly try to juggle way too many things at once. I really truly feel like I can do it all on my own and I keep getting signs saying that I can't. I know I can't. I sometimes will have to rely on others to keep me in check, and I will have to let go of what I cannot control.

I think this may be one of my biggest flaws. I let everything consume me to the point where I eventually break down. I can't do that anymore. I have to let it be. and just be. So that is my new thought process when I get way too overwhelmed for my own good. Haha.

Prom is this Saturday and we FINALLY have it all worked out. I'm going with every single one of my closest and dearest friends and I cannot wait. :) All this craziness will definitely pay off after this night I will never forget.

Don't forget to breathe...cause I kinda forget to every once in a while.

Stressed is desserts spelled backwards

I don't like the word stressed. And I have come to realize that it is desserts spelled backwards. It really isn't worth it to stress about little things, but yet I continue to do so. And I can't seem to figure out why? I feel like the picture above describes how I've been feeling lately. A little lost, a little broken, a little confused, but still have so much love to give.

This week has been a bit of a rollercoaster for me. From school, to friends, to finding a job, and figuring out prom and concerts this summer...I was at my breaking point. My friends realized this and tried to help, but it wasn't working..I just needed my moment to regain strength. Then I realized I had been carrying the weight of the world on MY shoulders when I really should have given them to God. I've realized that there are reasons for why people come in and out of our lives, they all have something to offer and something to teach us. But you know what the worst part of them not being in your life anymore is? They take a piece of your heart. I know that sounds cliche...but I truly mean that. It feels almost as if they died, because you never get what you once had back, and you know at one point..you may never see them again. It seems depressing and I don't want this post to be like that. That's what I love about my religion. It's not just a religion, it's a relationship. And it's an amazing love story..

God started working His wonderful magic at the right time..because everything started finally falling into place. School is still stressful, but I only have 33 days left. I can do it. Friends are fantastic and I have an AMAZING group to go with at prom (which is also all figured out..finally!) AND I got a job! You're looking at the newest member of Whimsical..a frozen yogurt/gelato place! My first day is tomorrow and I'm really excited :) Hopefully I don't mess up..haha.

But anyway, this post isn't too long nor very insightful..but I just wanted this post to be about the joyous things going on in my life! I will have a better one soon, promise. Hope everyone is doing fantastic and enjoying life. Much love <3

Defying Gravity

"Something has changed within me, something is not the same. I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game. Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep. It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap! It's time to try defying gravity, I think I'll try defying gravity..I think I'll try defying gravity, and you can't pull me down."

This song is from the Broadway play Wicked, and if you haven't seen it yet..please change that, immediately. The lyric up there is self explanatory so this blog needs no explanation. It's late and I feel as though this sums up my thoughts. Along with that, me, Courtney, Amanda, and Hannah BLASTED this song on the way home from an adventurous night after seeing Hailey get her award. Honestly, one of my favorite things is being with my best friends, singing loud ridiculous songs with the windows down. I'm so very blessed :)

And no one's gunna bring me down..

Never, Neverland

6 weeks. 44 days. However you look at it, Graduation is coming...full speed ahead. I can't begin to explain to you how many mixed emotions I've had through the course of this year. It's been one of the toughest in high school, and one of the greatest. I've seen people change and hurt and lose themselves. I've seen people rejoice, gain sight of who they are, and get back on track. I've seen people make huge decisions that have altered the course of their life, myself included. Though this journey has been rocky, I've come out of it feeling amazed. Of course, there are many things that didn't go exactly as planned..but what fun would that be? Things happen for a reason and that is one thing I know for certain.

I'm going to Northern Arizona University in 4 months. I'm LIVING in Arizona in 4 months. You can say that I am beyond excited. And part of that is that I have an amazing roommate that I have only known for 4 months, but I already feel like she's my best friend. I know that being 500 miles away from home is going to be difficult, but having adventures, talks, laughs, and bible studies with Madelyn will make it all worthwhile. I'm blessed that God literally put her in my life and He was the reason for us meeting. :)

Facebook is an amazing thing, although it distracts me and consumes too much of my time, I LOVE it all the same. It has given me the chance to meet potential friends that are also attending NAU. Marvelous. I'm also so very excited that I will already have a new family going there. Why you ask? Because I have YoungLife. When you have YoungLife in common, it's an immediate friendship. I promise. I can't wait for that.

As much as I can't wait for this Fall..I'm terrified. This new found emotion has come over me, intensely. My heart hurts when I think of saying goodbye to my parents, and my older brother. Who have literally been my rock and my role models. How will I not see them everyday? And how could I possibly give up the many friendships that have taken years to build, and who have become my sisters? And lastly, how will I give up my comfortble, amazing family that I have with Temecula YoungLife? It has consumed my life for the past 4 years. From leadership meetings, laughs, cries, Campaigners, camp, worship, God, middle schoolers, and amazing people who have guided me in my walk with Christ...I can't fathom saying goodbye to them.

I've never been good with goodbyes, but I can say whole heartedly that these goodbyes will be the hardest I've had to do in my whole life.

In all these emotions, I am stuck. One day I can't wait. The next day I want to break down. I've pictured Graduation day countless times. When I picture it, I see my classmates in their gowns and I see everyone walking across the stage, receiving their diploma after 4 long years. But I can't picture what emotion I will have that day. Will I be happy, or sad? Or maybe a mixture of both? Know idea.

All I know is, God has it all planned out.

I wish at times like these I lived in Neverland. I could catch up with life and prepare myself for what's next. But that's not how life works. And I know that. So while I figure all this out, I'm enjoying my last 6 weeks. 44 days. to the fullest and the best of my ability. Here's to the next chapter!

Hello, My name is HUMAN

"When I don't measure up to much in this life, Oh I'm a treasure in the arms of Christ"

You know what I've been thinking about a lot lately? How you can never truly please everyone, you can't always be accepted, and you won't always be liked. Now..I'm definitely a victim of being upset when I hear people talk about me or read something terrible written about me...but why should they matter? They shouldn't. And they don't. Day by day, a million trillion compliments could be thrown at you and you could only receive one bad insult, and what do you remember when you're lying in bed at night? The one bad insult, of course.

On these blogs I like to write about things that float through my head and things that I am currently going through. Recently, I have one hundred percent realized who my true friends are. The ones that I know for certain are going to be there for me even when I'm 500 miles away. But realizing that there are only a handful of these friends, I am left thinking about the handful that only think negatively about me. I'm trying as hard as I can to not let that affect me. Other people's opinions and little rude comments should not affect us. I'm not saying that because I am voicing this problem, and choosing to forget about them will suddenly solve the way others make me feel...but it will help. I have people in my life who care about me and love me. What more could I possibly need?

When it comes down to it, the world is going to shoot down good ideas, tell you that you aren't worth it, that you aren't beautiful, etc. But they don't matter. Everyone is given a label..some see you as a good person, a nice person, a Christian, a jerk, judgemental, self-righteous, and so on. Of course we mess up, and fail, and on occasion lose sight of who we really are which causes people to assume, but those people want to see us fail, and they want to see us hurt. We're HUMAN. It's a sick, twisted thing..but it somehow makes us feel better when someone else is in pain. That label that you are given, whether you know about it or not, does not matter. God sees me the way I am and they way we are, and that is the only label I want to pay attention to. Seeing it this way is better than being bothered with what everyone else thinks. Be the bigger person, and don't give people labels..you have no idea how it might affect them.

"Afterall, we're only human.."